blissful inhibitian...

She called it a vision quest, but in so many ways this feels like no right of passage. Yes I'm seeing the world from the oposite side... but with blinders on. I haven't put them up, but I know they are there. I see what they want me to see. (They being the US gov't and those appointed over me whose orders I follow.)

As I fall in step... hupt, twopt, threept, fourpt... cadence leads us and yet I have to wonder where we'll all end up. I see corruption and it makes me sick. I see shoddy leadership and I refuse to follow to closely... I see people who are working for us living like this is truly their Alcatraz and I feel guilty.

The American attitude of anyone who isn't American is the enemy is all we've been taught. And too many of us only see to the borders of where these lines have been drawn never challenging whether we are right or wrong or questioning what may lie on the other side. Never seeing the humanity behind these faces staring to us for some sort of compassion.

Our ethnicity does not make us less than human. And I see people being treated like no one should. I am ashamed. At the same time I'm glad to be here. To show a different face of America. They say people like me are soft and seen as weak. But I think the true test of character is not being strong, but rather being strong when needed and knowing when is the right time to show that strength. It's in the balance.

All I know is that Tahseen does an awsome rendition of Snoop Dogg's, "For shizzle my nizzle snoopity double drizzle..." and "west siiiiiide". :) It's people like him that make me smile and make the days seem better. You haven't lived until you've heard Snoop with an Arabic accent.

I'm learning the language here a little bit as well. The communication barriers are tough... but it's nice to be learning new things and a new culture.

I have Turkish friends who rock too. Ramazan is pretty cool. Granted he should brush his teeth, but cool none the less. Alim (A-lim) is Turkish too and I think she's a good person. She's a Civil Engineer and also the only Turkish woman who works on base. Our guys give her a hard time and call her a bitch, but if you re-read Talk to Me Now by Ani DiFranco in my last blog... "I have to be just as tough as I can..." It's true. I've heard our men talk about her basically as only being good for sex. As though they think she's a prostitute. And here she has a degree and thinks way too much of herself to be that person. In a way I admire her courage to come here and the fact that she stays. It's that sort of strength I seek.

Playing celebrity LN and TCN is fun too. :) Personally Robin Williams and Einstein are my favorites. ;) They really look the part. (Hey we gotta have our fun too.)

Lately I've been feeling really materialistic and I actually regret buying my iPod... I guess I feel selffish. Especially when there are so many people living with so much less. And it's in my face everyday... I mean if I can't be humbled here will I ever? I'm dissappointed really. Maybe it's karma that it broke. *smiles faintly*

Maybe to finally rid ourselves of that materialistic nature within ourselves we have to fully acknowledge the extent to which it runs and how deep? I've been doing a lot of deep sea diving within myself lately. What would I do if I lost it all?

If everything I have, were to become everything I had...